Red, red wine...stains
Q. Last week, after selling our children and pets, we moved into our new 20,000-square-foot dream house: white walls, white artwork, white furniture, and white wall-to-wall carpeting. But at our housewarming party yesterday, someone spilled red wine on the carpet. I’m devastated. Is there any way to remove this atrocious red wine stain?
A. You’ve probably heard all the usual solutions. Rubbing the stain with Danish pastry. Covering the stain with gourmet fleur de sel sea salt until it dries, then running a shop vac over it. Pouring a pitcher of boiling water on it and watching the stain metamorphize over the entire carpet.
Spare yourself these hassles. Want to get that stain out of your life once and for all? Sell the house and buy another! You’re an Elon Muskletter subscriber, so you can afford it, right? And you’ll have a great story to tell at your next housewarming!
P.S. Would you mind telling us how much you got for your children and pets?
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Fake news you can't count on, from Elon Musk and his Musketeers (not really)