​Writing
What does it take to become a rich and famous author?
How the heck would I know?
 
My daughter wants to be a writer. Can you give her some advice?
Go to trade school and become a licensed plumber.
 
Can you help me find a publisher for my cutesy children’s book about talking bunnies and baby chipmunks?
No.
 
Deep thoughts
What is the meaning of life?
A hilarious Monty Python movie. Especially the scene with Mr. Creosote.
 
Why does God allow suffering?
Suffering exists because God gives us free will. For instance, your neighbor freely chooses to hang a garden chime that clangs like a cowbell. Toasted bread exercises its free will by landing buttered-side-down when you drop it. Your dog decides to run to the carpet the moment before she barfs. In each case, someone else makes the choice, but you’re the one who suffers. God really gets a kick out of this.
 
My website
Why doesn’t your website have a search bar?
I’ve found that my readers do all right searching for a bar on their own.
 
What is your return policy?
I’m never returning to Wisconsin in February. The winters are brutal.
 
What’s a suitable password?
Some all-time favorites include swordfish, candygram, Trust_No_One, Lebowski, twentydwarves, and QueenZippy.
 
Groaners
What’s your favorite one-liner?
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”
 
What happened when the blind proctologist performed colonoscopies?
He rectum.

If you like these FAQ (any of them) (maybe just a little bit), you'll love my book Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions, available here from Amazon. Go ahead, make your day. 

Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson  d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC