Smartass chips turn household products into annoying nags

"You're gonna EAT this?!"

First there were smartchips, embedded microprocessors that provide data storage and authentication. Now, brace yourself for a wave of new products outfitted with the next-generation technology, smartass chips.  

Products in the works include:

--A hand vacuum that senses dirt conditions where you’re cleaning and blares a prerecorded message such as “Hey! You missed that spiderweb in the corner.”

--A kitchen blender that evaluates ingredients being fed into its container. Its digital readout then displays either a thumbs-up symbol or the message “You shoulda had a V-8.”

--A hamper that detects dirty laundry discarded on the floor within a 10-foot radius. The hamper sends out a vacuum tube, picks up the object (a wet towel, for instance) and whacks the person who dropped it.

--A dishwasher that performs a similar operation with dirty dishes, with an optional “pause” function allowing your dogs to lick them before they’re loaded.

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