Life is a schoolroom,
and I'm the class clown
A smile is just a frown turned upside down. So go stand on your head.
Only YOU can prevent bear attacks. Stay indoors.
As a writer, I admire the work ethic of Tom Clancy, who continues to publish new novels even though he's been dead for eight years.
Rumor has it that the next Agent 007 will be a woman.
I planted a garden container with the usual thriller / filler / spiller combo.
Overnight, Thriller murdered the other two with a garden shears.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. And it's even worse than you feared.
Back in the day, I had
"life coaches": Mom and Dad.
I want a Roomba that can clean the toilet.
The first time I heard someone say "syntax," I thought:
So now even hookers have to declare their income to the IRS?
Of course you should be a burden to your kids someday. After all, they were a burden to you for 20-plus years.
Recession is like winter. We're freezing our assets off.
Fake Fact: In 1891, Ebenezer Jobs filed a patent for "a handheld device that would provide access to all the world's knowledge while simultaneously blinding one to their surroundings."
You know you're getting old when your muscle memory has amnesia.
People in movies brush their teeth as if they're scraping baked-on grease off the barbecue grill.