Major League Baseball games have become so long and boring that sleep clinics now use re-broadcasts to cure people of chronic insomnia. But spectators who prefer to avoid a vegetative state would prefer that baseball make some changes to jazz things up.
--No more lengthy conferences on the mound. If the pitcher, catcher and manager want to kibbitz, let them text each other.
--Reduce the pitcher's role even further by switching to T-ball. This also pretty much eliminates the need for an umpire's judgment calls. Every swing is either a hit or a strike.
--The potential for stolen bases eats up too much time as the pitcher constantly eyes runners on base. Why not go back to the old reliable Hammurabi code, which punishes stealing by stoning to death?
--No more seventh-inning stretch. In fact, let's make the whole game six innings total.
--Allow beer vendors to serve the players as well as fans in the stands. A loosey-goosey vibe on the field will create hilariously entertaining errors.
--Any ball caught by a fan in the stands should be considered "in play." This fielder's choice may be thrown back onto the field or auctioned off to surrounding spectators.
--No more lengthy conferences on the mound. If the pitcher, catcher and manager want to kibbitz, let them text each other.
--Reduce the pitcher's role even further by switching to T-ball. This also pretty much eliminates the need for an umpire's judgment calls. Every swing is either a hit or a strike.
--The potential for stolen bases eats up too much time as the pitcher constantly eyes runners on base. Why not go back to the old reliable Hammurabi code, which punishes stealing by stoning to death?
--No more seventh-inning stretch. In fact, let's make the whole game six innings total.
--Allow beer vendors to serve the players as well as fans in the stands. A loosey-goosey vibe on the field will create hilariously entertaining errors.
--Any ball caught by a fan in the stands should be considered "in play." This fielder's choice may be thrown back onto the field or auctioned off to surrounding spectators.
