How to tell if you've been Left Behind

That Sunday morning glow might not be the sunrise.

The End of the World As We Know It comes sometime today. (The doomsayers, like weather forecasters, are fudging on the exact time.) If you're not among the few taken up by The Rapture, here's what to expect on Earth come Sunday morning.
--President Donald Trump tells his cabinet "You're fired!" and hires General Motors' board of directors in their place.
--The Department of Natural Resources announces that all homeowners must spent at least 10 minutes daily mowing their lawn, followed by 25 minutes wrangling grass clippings with a noisy leaf blower.
--Jerry Lewis decides that instead of retiring, he will broadcast the MDA telethon 24-7 / 365. The FDA orders all cable and satellite stations to carry it.
--To settle the NFL lockout, the entire 2011 season is pre-empted by a lottery. The Chicago Bears and the Minnesota Vikings are declared co-winners of the Super Bowl.