Eight things to ask yourself after you die

Tired of articles like “10 things to ask yourself before you die,” which simply rehash the old “stop and smell the roses” theme? Here’s a more practical list: eight things to ask yourself after you die. 

1. WTF??!!!
2. Where am I? Feels hot. Not a good sign.
3. Did I ever mail that check for my life insurance premium?
4. How’s the cellphone coverage here? What does “ultra-extended” mean?
5. How long before they discover my old stack of Penthouse magazines?
6. Will they remember my request to play “Free Bird” at the funeral?
7. Why didn’t I eat more chocolate donuts when I had the chance?
8. Did I leave the iron turned on?