Dress like Sesame Street’s Big Bird. Make kids count “1-2-3” out loud as you hand them treats. Within minutes, you’ll notice kids crossing the street to avoid your place.
Use a fog machine to obscure your house from the road.
Make children sing a cute song to earn their treat – for instance, the aria “O mio babbino caro” from Puccini’s opera Gianni Schicchi. By now they’ll be writing chalk messages on the sidewalk warning friends to steer clear of your place.
Just happen to begin building a moat around your house that day.
Leave the lawn sprinkler running.
Prop stereo speakers in your window, but instead of a scary soundtrack, play your old Lawrence Welk albums. And-a-one, and-a-two…
Remove the button from the doorbell so they’re pressing a live wire instead. Hey, it’s only 24 volts.
Hang out Christmas lights and scatter fake snow. This might confuse the dumb kids. In some neighborhoods, that’s more than half the kids.
Move to an apartment building with a mean doorman.