The Shape of Water (2017)
Rated P for preposterous
Two parts “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” one part “E.T.,” this B movie makes us nostalgic for the snarky series Mystery Science Theater 3000. Tom Servo’s gang would pick it cleaner than a boardinghouse turkey.
And what a turkey it is. An alien lizard-man gets hauled in during a deep-sea fishing trip…or something like that…we fell asleep at various points during the screening. The bad guys hold him captive in a wading pool. Only the humble deaf-mute cleaning woman sees past his scales to his inherent dignity. So she brings him hard-boiled eggs every day. Ah-yup.
Luckily, Lizard Man’s warehouse prison is patrolled by just one inept guard, a la “Austin Powers.” The cleaning woman & friends help him escape and find him a job at Sea World.
The only reason this piece of dreck won an Academy Award: two of its characters are hooked on classic black and white films. Hollywood types adore movies within movies, like chimps staring at their own reflection in a mirror.
And what exactly is “the shape of water”? We’re never told, but the plot is leaky and the premise is all wet. Somebody oughta mop it up.
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