We watch the stupid movies, so you won’t have to. Today’s target: “For Those Who Want Their Money Back”
For Those Who Want Their Money Back
Rated L for lame
Back in the olden days (five months ago), potential box-office bombs went straight to video. Likewise, Angelina Jolie’s new release “For Those Who Wish Me Dead” is available simultaneously in theaters and streaming mode so the producers can hedge their bets.
Feeling masochistic? Spring for expensive opening-week movie tickets. Or take advantage of your HBO Max subscription and watch from your couch. Either way, the illogical plot and unintentional humor will have you yearning for a refund.
--A man and his son (whom he constantly addresses as “son,” lest we forget) flee the bad guys by driving 2500+ miles from Florida to Montana with just one overnight stop at a motel and no stops for meals, not even McDonald’s drive-through.
--Jolie portrays a professional fire jumper who parachutes into back-country wildfires. Yeah, right. In full makeup and salon blowout hair.
--Gratuitous topless bit when Jolie removes her sweatshirt to reveal a Frederick’s of Hollywood underwire bra. Come to think of it, for some of you this is worth the price of admission.
--With magical anti-lightning powers, Jolie shrugs off a direct strike while rapelling off a metal tower, then navigates through an open field with more cloud-to-ground action than the Fourth of July.
--One of the bad guys carries on as usual despite third-degree burns over half his face.
--A protagonist about to ride to the rescue can choose between a big ATV, a bigger ATV, and a horse. Guess which one she chooses.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC