TSA introduces Clueless Traveler Lane
"Shee-it! I've had it with these people!"
The recent increase in leisure travel during spring break has prompted the Transportation Security Administration to introduce the Clueless Traveler Lane at security check-in.
You are likely to be funneled into this lane if you match the following profile.
--Your carry-on luggage holds a 64-oz. bottle of your favorite shampoo.
--Your outfit includes a studded belt, lace-up work boots, and a pocketful of change as you approach the metal detector.
--You brought along your collection of carving knives.
--It takes you more than five minutes to remove your jacket.
--You dump the entire contents of your purse onto the conveyor belt.
--Unsure of whether your false teeth will trigger an alarm, you remove them before reaching the detector.
--You joke loudly about exploding underwear and threaten to remove yours.
Although the TSA’s official statement credits “increased efficiency” for the newly created lane, officials privately refer to the program as The Revenge of the Screening Agents.
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