The Plumber's Gambit & four other idiotic ways to cheat at chess
So you want to be a chess grandmaster without years of boring study and practice? No problem. These idiotic shortcuts will confound your opponents and send them fleeing in disgust. Checkmate!
The Plumber’s Gambit Show up two hours late for the match, carrying a heavy bag of tools. Turn your back on your opponent and crouch over the bag, exposing six inches of prime real estate above your drooping beltline.
The Sicilian Defense Drop an oily, smelly package of newspaper next to the chessboard. Open it to reveal a slab of dead fish.
The Pearl Harbor Attack Pick up one of your more powerful pieces (the tall ones). Shout “Banzai!” and slam it into your opponent’s side of the board.
The Small World Insanity Twist In a low voice, sing over and over, “It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small small world.”
The Ozzy Oddity Grab your king, bite its head off, and scream the lyrics of “War Pigs.”
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I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
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