Suicidal music for the dead of winter
Q. These short winter days are so depressing. Can you recommend some peppy music to liven up the dreariness?
A. Rather than fight the darkness, you must revel in it. You must listen to fado. This Portuguese folk music dwells on betrayal, despair and death.
Q. I’m looking forward to Valentine’s Day. What are some romantic love songs I can play for my sweetie?
A. Your sweetheart will ultimately betray you. This is destiny. Once it happens, I recommend that you immerse yourself in fado songs. A typical fado lyric goes: “Why did you tear out my heart? My soul is in agony. This heartache is worse than death. Also, my bunions are killing me.”
Q. The winter section of Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons” has always been my favorite. What inspired these pieces?
A. Nothing but fado can truly communicate the pain of winter. Leave behind the artificial brightness of all other musical forms. Dedicate your life to performing fado. You will know you have succeeded when the audience is moved to commit mass suicide.
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