Saint Clare of Assisi chose wisely
Ever notice how few modern American saints there are in the Catholic Church? That's because prospective candidates for beatification don't understand what it takes. Studying the lives of other high achievers will improve your odds.
Carefully choose your given name. It goes without saying that Candy, Stacy and Garth aren't going to rise to the top of the heavenly heirarchy. At the same time, you must avoid overused names (Mary, Margaret, John). Consider making up your own name that suggests saintly qualities: Generousia; Overgiverenzetta; or Harry, Who Rescues Kittens Stranded in Trees.
Move to an appropriate town. Think of the big names, like Catherine of Siena or St. Francis of Assisi. Their hometowns drop easily from the tongue. But: Saint Somebody of Akron? Saint So-and-So of Cincinnati? Ain't gonna happen. In fact, you can rule out the entire state of Ohio. Florida has some promisingly exotic city names; just remember to rule out anything that starts with "St." There's no way the Church is going to risk confusion by sponsoring St. Pete of St. Petersburg. Also, forget about Assisi. It's overused. It's also in Italy, which is absolutely glutted with saints.
COMING SOON (whenever I get around to it) Part Two: Clean Up Your Act
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
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