1. After setting up your Twitter account, send emails to everyone in your contacts list asking them to join Twitter. This really impresses those who’ve been maintaining Twitter accounts for years.
2. Don’t bother to upload a profile photo; just make do with the default egghead logo. People will realize you’re too busy and important for petty details.
3. For your Twitter handle, spell your name in all lowercase letters. Hey, that was cute in high school, right?
4. Don’t tweet. Not even once.
5. Show how hip you are by following Madonna, Boy George and Gary Glitter.
6. Complain loudly to friends that none of these people followed you back.
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