HOW VERY VILLAGEY: Mocktails & more

For relaxing times, make it Las Villages mocktail time ​

Many Americans are drinking less these days because of health concerns. So here’s a reminder: “mocktails” are available at all Las Villages beverage huts during nightly entertainment on the squares. In fact, they’ve always been available! That’s all we’ve ever served! Betcha didn’t even notice the difference, huh?

​So belly up to the bar: your liver is safe, and so is your golf-cart DUI record.

 Las Villages Mocktails
The same great mocktail you’ve always known…you just didn’t know it.
  
Our pre-show announcement gets a makeover
 
By popular demand: our nightly pre-show announcement is now more specific and more positive – with more “do’s”! Changes appear in red below.
 
Before the show begins, we DO need to go over some rules that we DO hope will keep everybody happy, especially that cranky lady who sits in front of the speakers and yells “What? I can’t hear you! Turn it up!”

​If you’re having a hard time hearing the entertainment, we DO suggest that you turn on your hearing aids. And if you don’t like the band, we DO suggest turning your “ears” off instead of heckling and throwing rotten tomatoes.
 
Smoking is not permitted anywhere on the square. However, if you DO decide to smoke anyway, we DO suggest hiding your ciggie when the security people walk by. And if you’re smoking medical marijuana, we DO ask you not to share it with anyone’s grandchildren.
 
Please DO keep your pets away from the square, especially ill-tempered chihuahuas, which DO have a reputation as nasty little shits that bite people on the nose.
 
And now, let’s get the party started!
 
Scooby dooby DO, DO DO DO deeyah, dah dah dah dah dahda… 

There’s more Villagey nonsense plus billions of other absurd and pointless topics in Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle.