Choosing & using a nanny for your children

"She's no Mary Poppins, but I guess she'll do."

​My husband and I need to find a nanny for our children. Where do we begin? How do we know if they’re qualified?
 
The three best sources of nanny referrals are the local 4H club, county agriculture extension offices, and that smelly farm just outside your subdivision. Work only with establishments that thoroughly investigate their candidates: Are they comfortable with children? Are they fair and consistent in discipline? Have they been dewormed?
 
Be prepared to properly compensate for education and experience. Breed-registered nannies are worth the extra expense, since they lend prestige down the road when your child fills out college applications. 
 
Even after you’ve carefully explained that Nanny doesn’t take the place of Mommy and Daddy, young children may suffer species confusion. Watch for red flags like head-butting or clambering on the roof.
 
Stick to the terms of your nanny’s employment contract. Abide by the hours you’ve agreed upon, and don’t pull her by the choke collar.

There's a billion more absurd and pointless topics like this one in Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle.