You bake, customers binge, Elon wins.
Bake Sale for Elon Musk
By Polly Positive, Head Cheerleader
Elon’s recent nosedive into second-richest in the world had us all shell-shocked for a bit, but now we’ve recovered. A good old-fashioned bake sale will set things right. As you know, the love of money is the root of all happiness.
We’ll time our sale to hit the last-minute Christmas shopping panic. So get off your duff and make something already!
Popular bake sale goodies
Rice Krispies treats …a perennial favorite with zero nutritional content. Some people will eat anything.
Cookies, cupcakes, brownies & donuts …Please bag them in snack-size portions. For our typical customer, that would be a couple dozen.
Muffins …These masquerade as health food, so “dieters” (ha!) can gorge without guilt. Loaded muffins could include peanut M&Ms, sauerkraut, pepperoni, and raw garlic.
We’ll also have booths for health and beauty items
Bath bombs …lilac, coconut, nitroglycerin and TNT. Blow ‘em out of the water.
Tea towels …the uglier the better. Most customers have really poor taste. You can tell by the way they dress.
Pet products … owners treat their animals better than their kids. Cobble something together (stick toy, tug-of-war rag, catnip mouse), slap on a “handmade” label, and price it at least four times what you’d pay at an outlet store. There’s a sucker born every minute.
Remember, it’s “the most profitable time of the year.” You bake, customers binge, and Elon wins. Let’s return Elon to his richest man pedestal and his best Christmas ever!