The Worst Pet Ever

You may snicker at finicky cats or recoil from somebody’s pet snake. But snakes or cats – yes, even Siamese cats – or even alligators make better pets than sugar gliders.
 
Sugar gliders are exotic pocket pets that look like the product of a one-night stand between a racoon and a flying squirrel. Among their charming habits:
 

• If you pick them up first thing in the morning, they urinate all over your arm.
• They have sharp claws and teeth, and will bite if you try to keep them from crawling up your arm first thing in the morning.
• They cannot be potty-trained, either first thing in the morning or any other time of day.
• They create a stinky mess of urine and scattered food around their cage. It’s rather like putting a naked baby in a high chair.
• They are nocturnal animals that bark in the middle of the night.
• They live as long as 15 years. That’s a lot of urine and sleepless nights.
• They require live insects and other special foods; there’s no such thing as Purina Sugar Glider Chow. And despite their name, they shouldn’t be fed refined sugars like Kool-Aid, Captain Crunch cereal, or cotton candy.

 
So there you have it. If you ever want to wreak serious revenge on someone, urge them to get a sugar glider – "the best pet ever!" 

For more pet lovers' guilty pleasures, check out my 99-cent Kindle book "For Pets' Sake" on Amazon: click here.