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 Live at the scene (Mark Neal Photo) Are the skies safe?
That depends on who’s up there. For instance, migratory birds are too dumb to get out of the way of jet engines. So safety, if you’re a bird, not so much. But a passenger? Even someone sitting in an exit row? You betcha that’s safe! Just keep your seat belt fastened at all times and clutch the nearest stable object (not your seatmate) if the door blows out. Remember, it’s been more than a year since that happened. And technically, that wasn’t a door. It was a door plug. A rumor in the aviation business says we were “long overdue” for a fatal crash. Doesn’t this cold-hearted attitude lead to carelessness? All commercial airlines care deeply for each and every passenger, whether they fall from the sky, demo-derby crash around the cabin, or get burnt to a crisp on the tarmac. And we categorically deny any leaks about office betting pools at our headquarters. Betting pools?! Er… uh… polls. I meant polls. You know – taking a poll of how many employees might resign by the end of the month. What about the effect of corporate DEI programs on airline safety? DEI doesn’t affect our biggest safety issue: keeping irate passengers from killing each other. Since many recent problems occurred during descent and landing, are you working on prevention programs? Absolutely! Landing protocols under consideration include having passengers parachute out at a cruising altitude of 10,000 feet… moving fat people evenly throughout the cabin to balance the load… and asking everybody to look out their window and holler if they see another aircraft next to us, beneath us, or already on the runway. Just off the record, do you fly? And do you let your family fly? Hell, no! Next week we’re taking a Greyhound bus to Yosemite. Check out a billion more absurd and pointless Q&A’s in Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions, available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Comments are closed.
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