Let's say your significant other has a long day at work and you'd like to surprise him by clearing the driveway with the snowblower. Except the closest you've gotten to the snowblower was the time you almost sideswiped it with your car in the garage. Never fear -- we'll talk you through the process.
We're assuming you own a manly two-stage thrower like the one pictured. If you've got a single-stage girlie thrower, you might as well shovel by hand.
1. Locate the "off" button. It may seem counterintuitive to list this first, but you don't want to finish the job only to find out you can't turn the darned thing off and need to phone your hubby and have him pulled out of a meeting to explain it to you. Just speaking hypothetically, of course.
2. Keep arms, legs and pets away from the business end of the snowblower...the part that chews into drifts. Who wants blood on their pristine white lawn?
3. Remember to use the wind to your advantage. The snow should plume away from you so you don't turn into the Abominable Snowwoman.
4. After you've used reverse gear to back out of a tight corner, remember to put it in "drive" again before engaging the wheels. The neighbors might be filming this for YouTube.
5. Once you're done with this he-man chore, crack open a brewski and relax in the recliner to watch NFL football.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC