Great Easter-Basket Fillers
You’ve probably heard that live chicks and bunnies make lousy Easter gifts because they grow into adult chickens and rabbits that poop all over your living room.
So this year, forget the chicks and bunnies. Instead, use these suggestions to fill those awkward spaces between marshmallow Peeps in the Easter basket.
If your kids are. . .
. . . obese Give them a starter pack of alli™, the only over-the-counter weight-loss product approved by the FDA.
. . . Jewish Line the bottom of the basket with cellophane grass. In the center, insert a sign that reads: “We don’t celebrate Easter, knucklehead.”
. . . timid Give Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People, a book your youngsters can hide behind whenever someone approaches them.
. . . vegan If your kids are vegetarians who don’t eat eggs (ovo-negative or whatever they’re calling it these days), you’re off the hook – although it might be fun to drop Egg McMuffins into their baskets and see how sincere they are about this whole veggie thing.
. . . athletic Check the grapevine for this year’s trendy steroids. Provide a generous supply.
. . . out of control Create a handmade I.O.U. promising to bail them out, no questions asked, the next time they’re arrested.
. . . sullen Give a list of chores, plus links to websites about underprivileged Third World children.
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