Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Clownaphobia, the perfectly normal fear of strangers who appear in public wearing face paint and giant shoes, is expected to peak over the July 4th holiday.
According to Dr. Warren Pease, a psychiatrist at the University of Motown, clown sightings skyrocket during holiday parades and carnivals.
“This fear is embedded in our popular culture,” notes Dr. Pease, “as well it should be. You really don’t know who’s under that fright wig or what they’re hiding in that baggy suit.”
Dr. Pease offers tips for clownaphobia sufferers:
« Sit far back from the curb when watching a parade. Clowns usually don’t venture beyond the first row.
« Avoid eye contact with the clown.
« If a clown approaches, back away slowly, keeping your arms at your sides. Avoid nervous giggling, as this triggers the clown’s predatory instincts.
« Check your yard each morning. Discarded squirting flowers, twistable balloons, and empty clown cars indicate an overnight visit. You’d be wise to set out cardboard containers of Clown-B-Gone, available at most major garden centers.
« For increased security, carry a custard pie whenever you go out during peak clown season. In most states, this is not considered a concealed weapon.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC