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New! Fifty Shades of BenGay: A Parody
Anesthesia Peel meets Crispin BenGay, a filthy rich and incredibly hunkalicious entrepreneur, during an interview for her beauty-school newspaper. BenGay is mysteriously attracted to Ana, a social zero who’s never even used email. He makes her his submissive, to have, to hold and to hurt.
Fifty Shades of BenGay puts a whole new spin on the bestselling romance novel with a soft-porn filling:
That ridiculous contract “Hard limits: No acts involving clowns or mimes.”
Laughable lovemaking “His mouth finds mine, which isn’t hard, considering how big my mouth is.”
Ana’s multiple personalities “My inner goddess is picking her nose.”
Those ludicrous emails “Crispin: About our ‘deal’: thanks, but no thanks. P.S. Can I keep the laptop?”
This book is intended for immature adults. It contains explicit scenes of a physically impossible nature. Available in paperback and Kindle ebook format:
EBOOK
At just $2.99 from Amazon.com, it’s way cheaper (and much less nauseating) than the original. Click here to open the book's page at Amazon in a new browser window without losing your page in this site.
By the way, you don't need to own a Kindle device to read Kindle books. Free Kindle apps are available for every smartphone, tablet and computer. Find them by clicking here.
PDF
Maybe you'd prefer a PDF you can read at work without being too obvious about it. No problem. Scroll down to the section below titled "And still more ridiculous stuff."
PAPERBACK
Fifty Shades of BenGay is now available in paperback, too, for $5.99 at Amazon.com. Just think: you get the entire goofy tale that's in the ebook plus a back cover ("Girl Meets Boy...Boy Beats Girl.") And since it's printed on real paper, you can use a red pen to draw hearts around your favorite passages! Very retro cool. Click here to open the Amazon sales page without leaving this website.
Fifty Shades of BenGay puts a whole new spin on the bestselling romance novel with a soft-porn filling:
That ridiculous contract “Hard limits: No acts involving clowns or mimes.”
Laughable lovemaking “His mouth finds mine, which isn’t hard, considering how big my mouth is.”
Ana’s multiple personalities “My inner goddess is picking her nose.”
Those ludicrous emails “Crispin: About our ‘deal’: thanks, but no thanks. P.S. Can I keep the laptop?”
This book is intended for immature adults. It contains explicit scenes of a physically impossible nature. Available in paperback and Kindle ebook format:
EBOOK
At just $2.99 from Amazon.com, it’s way cheaper (and much less nauseating) than the original. Click here to open the book's page at Amazon in a new browser window without losing your page in this site.
By the way, you don't need to own a Kindle device to read Kindle books. Free Kindle apps are available for every smartphone, tablet and computer. Find them by clicking here.
Maybe you'd prefer a PDF you can read at work without being too obvious about it. No problem. Scroll down to the section below titled "And still more ridiculous stuff."
PAPERBACK
Fifty Shades of BenGay is now available in paperback, too, for $5.99 at Amazon.com. Just think: you get the entire goofy tale that's in the ebook plus a back cover ("Girl Meets Boy...Boy Beats Girl.") And since it's printed on real paper, you can use a red pen to draw hearts around your favorite passages! Very retro cool. Click here to open the Amazon sales page without leaving this website.
Funny stuff: my best sellers
"To lick or not to lick" magnet
--To Lick or Not to Lick dishwasher magnet for doggy households
--HDD / Housework Deficit Disorder merchandise
--Coffee: The Quicker Picker-Upper for caffeine addicts
--My carbon footprint is bigger than yours bumper sticker
All this, plus mugs, shirts, mouse pads, and hats designed by yours truly, now available exclusively at my Zazzle store, Carsonmania Classics. To check 'em out, click HERE to open the Zazzle page in a new browser window without leaving Carsonmania.com.
--HDD / Housework Deficit Disorder merchandise
--Coffee: The Quicker Picker-Upper for caffeine addicts
--My carbon footprint is bigger than yours bumper sticker
All this, plus mugs, shirts, mouse pads, and hats designed by yours truly, now available exclusively at my Zazzle store, Carsonmania Classics. To check 'em out, click HERE to open the Zazzle page in a new browser window without leaving Carsonmania.com.
My latest Spoofbook.
Gimme Shelter: A Spoofbook on Home Decorating
Do you hate the way your house looks? You’re not alone. Other people hate the way your house looks, too. But Gimme Shelter provides plenty of excuses for your home decorating failures. “Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Wallpaper” explains how do-it-yourself wallpapering threatens your marriage. “Feng Shui – Ancient Chinese B.S.” exposes myths about rearranging the crap in your home.
Whatever aspect of decorating you loathe, from painting to throw pillows to focal points and color schemes, it’s all here. And at just 99 cents, Gimme Shelter is way cheaper than hiring a snooty interior designer. Click HERE to open a new browser window for the book at Amazon.com; you won't lose your place at Carsonmania.com, so you can keep buying my stuff until you're broke.
Do you hate the way your house looks? You’re not alone. Other people hate the way your house looks, too. But Gimme Shelter provides plenty of excuses for your home decorating failures. “Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Wallpaper” explains how do-it-yourself wallpapering threatens your marriage. “Feng Shui – Ancient Chinese B.S.” exposes myths about rearranging the crap in your home.
Whatever aspect of decorating you loathe, from painting to throw pillows to focal points and color schemes, it’s all here. And at just 99 cents, Gimme Shelter is way cheaper than hiring a snooty interior designer. Click HERE to open a new browser window for the book at Amazon.com; you won't lose your place at Carsonmania.com, so you can keep buying my stuff until you're broke.
My third Spoofbook. Isn't it romantic?
White Lace and Panic:
A Spoofbook on Weddings
So he popped the question, and she said, “It’s about frikkin’ time!”
White Lace and Panic takes it from there, featuring everything from a bride’s planning timetable (“Nine to twelve years in advance: get engaged”) to tips for finding the perfect wedding dress (“Pay attention to price tags, and try not to laugh hysterically”), unique gift registry suggestions (liquor stores, casinos), overly clever guest book ideas, and so much more.
Boldly go where Martha Stewart wouldn’t be caught dead…and all for just 99 cents. Click HERE to open a new browser window for the Kindle book at Amazon.com.
Arf! My second Spoofbook.
For Pets' Sake: A Spoofbook on Pets
Need a break from vacuuming dog hair and raking the litter box? Check out For Pets’ Sake, which begins:
“Are your children old enough to gently handle a delicate hamster without crushing or dropping him? If not, can you afford to buy a new hamster every couple of days?”
This pet-lovers’ guilty pleasure provides a hilarious lowdown on the dogs, cats, ferrets, parakeets, horses, rabbits, guinea pigs, fish, snakes, and other animals that own us. You’ll crow over “BuckbuckbuGAWK.com” and thank your lucky stars you don’t own “Possibly the Worst Pet Ever.”
For Pets’ Sake brings home 27 spooflets and drops them at your feet for just 99 cents. Best of all, you’ll never have to feed it Kindle Chow. Click HERE to open a new browser page at the Kindle store; you won't lose your place in Carsonmania.com.
The Spoofbook heard 'round the world:
Arts & Crap: A Spoofbook on Arts and Crafts
Arts & Crap is bursting at the seams with short and snappy spooflets, including "The Deadly Art of Needlepoint," "12 Telltale Signs You'll Get Hooked on Scrapbooking" and "Knit One, Burn Two." Among these 18 how-not-to's, you're sure to find one particular craft you've always loved to hate. Lots of laughs for just 99 cents! Click HERE to open a new browser page at the Amazon Kindle store.
And still more ridiculous stuff:
Download any of these books as a PDF
Maybe you're the old-fashioned type who prefers to curl up in an armchair next to the fireplace and read an Adobe PDF file. Well, you're in luck: all of my Spoofbooks and Fifty Shades of BenGay are available as PDFs for the same price as the Kindle versions. Click on any of the following titles to open its Fastspring store page in a new browser window: Arts & Crap ... For Pets' Sake ... Gimme Shelter ... White Lace and Panic ... Fifty Shades of BenGay.
Spoofletter: The 10 Dumbest Issues (So Far)
Each issue of Spoofletter, my fake/funny newsletter, takes aim at a different topic.
Spoofletter: The 10 Dumbest Issues (So Far) is a downloadable collection of all-time great Spoofletters: Arts and Crap, Don't-It-Yourself, Bah Humbug, White Lace & Panic, 3rd of July, Gobble, Gimme Shelter, Heart Treks, Halloweenies, and For Pets' Sake. It's a full-color Adobe PDF, a format so ancient you can probably read it on your grandmother's computer. All this silliness for just $9.99. For your very own copy that'll provide hours of mindless enjoyment, click HERE to open my Fastspring store page in a new browser window.
Website text copyright (c) 2013 Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC
Shopaholic Golden Retriever photo copyright (c) iStockphoto.com
Shopaholic Golden Retriever photo copyright (c) iStockphoto.com
