Wedding, schmedding! (Ask Vern the Bartender)

Q. Do you plan to watch television coverage of Prince William's royal wedding alone, or with a group of friends?
A. Wedding, schmedding! I need to get the f*#&^ing beer distributor out here to fix this busted tap. And the men's room urinal is leaking again. Besides, there's gotta be a ball game on that day.
Q. What aspect of the pomp and pageantry do you anticipate the most? The arrival of the princess-to-be? The ceremony itself? The royal procession afterward?
A. <Snort> Hey, this is the U. S. of A. We fought a war so we wouldn't have to deal with all that kingy-queeny crap. Besides, in my day you weren't really married unless you served cannibal sandwiches at the reception and had a live polka band. You think they're gonna do that at this royal wedding? Huh?
Hey, Louie, slide those bar dice down here, would ya?

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