--You have difficulty squeezing through a barn door.
--Objects such as books, small pets, or toasters become wedged within folds of your skin.
--You experience shortness of breath when blinking your eyes.
--You go to sleep on the fifth floor of a hotel and wake up on the first floor after the bed crashes through four structural levels.
--You frequently eat more than 150,000 calories in one sitting.
--Unable to walk, you resort to rolling from place to place.
If someone you know experiences any of these symptoms, leave the area immediately. If you personally experience these symptoms, eat a Moon Pie.