Surgeon General Recommends Butt-Floss Bikinis

In a startling reversal from previous policy, the U.S. Surgeon General's office today recommended that women start wearing bikini thongs as often as possible.

"While these so-called 'butt-floss' thongs are responsible for everything from cancer to dental cavities in women who wear them," said Dr. Regina Benjamin, "they certainly have a beneficial effect on men in the vicinity. So, overall, the net benefit to the population is worth the risk."
 
Recent studies have shown that in Florida and southern California, where butt-floss bikinis are most evident, health-care spending on Viagra has been reduced by as much as 79%.