When making plans to meet
Give your friend a fake early deadline. For example, if you want to meet at 9 on Thursday, ask him to show up at 7 on Wednesday.
Don’t get mad, get even
If your friend is more than 10 minutes late, calmly leave the meeting spot and go sit in your car, using the waiting time more productively: read a book, listen to the radio, file your nails. When your friend finally shows up, put your car in gear, smash into her rear bumper, and roar away.
Take control of tickets
If you and your friend are jointly attending an event, be sure you’ve got both tickets. When your friend is late, give his ticket to a scalper.
Restaurant lateness is especially sticky, because reservations are involved: the late-arriving schmuck puts you on the spot for an unused table. Instead of waiting, ask to be seated at the appointed time. Order dessert – cream pie would be ideal. When your friend finally arrives, shove the pie in her face. (For pointers on technique, Google “The Three Stooges.”)
Go on with the party
Stick to your planned schedule even if the latecomer hasn’t arrived. When he arrives, calmly explain: “We’re sorry you missed seeing Grandma blow out the birthday candles, but we were afraid she’d be dead by the time you showed up.”