Animal Planet’s reality show “The Last Alaskans” follows survivalists who return to their remote wilderness cabins each year just as winter is coming (uh-huh).
SCENE
Husband puts on his hunting gear, prepares to leave cabin. “Gotta bag us a moose, honey. We need that protein and fat to make it through the winter.”
Wife: “OK, dear. Good luck.”
NOT SEEN
Wife to second camera unit after husband leaves: “I’ve told him a million times, ‘Let’s just buy a steer from the butcher in Fairbanks and have it airlifted out here,’ but nooooo.”
SCENE
Husband tiptoes across frozen marshland, whispers to field camera crew: “Any little twig snapping can spook a wild animal.” Husband pauses, checks his rifle. “If I don’t take down a moose this season, my family will starve.”
NOT SEEN
Wife uses her steam-powered iPhone to call Safeway in Fairbanks. “Hello, meat department? How much would you charge us for a steer carcass?...That’s all?”
SCENE
Husband sniffs the air. “There’s definitely moose around here. They left about five minutes ago. You don’t stalk moose for thirty years without learning something. Let’s keep walking. You’re not tired from lugging around that camera, are you?”
NOT SEEN
Wife prepares supper of fried tree roots with dirt gravy.
SCENE
Husband returns to cabin, moose-less. “Sorry, honey. It just wasn’t my day. Maybe tomorrow.” Husband heads straight to bed.
NOT SEEN
As husband snores, wife cranks up kerosene-powered cassette player, places it next to his ear, and sets the tape on continuous loop: “Buy a steer. Buy a steer. Buy a steer. Buy a steer.”
SCENE
Husband puts on his hunting gear, prepares to leave cabin. “Gotta bag us a moose, honey. We need that protein and fat to make it through the winter.”
Wife: “OK, dear. Good luck.”
NOT SEEN
Wife to second camera unit after husband leaves: “I’ve told him a million times, ‘Let’s just buy a steer from the butcher in Fairbanks and have it airlifted out here,’ but nooooo.”
SCENE
Husband tiptoes across frozen marshland, whispers to field camera crew: “Any little twig snapping can spook a wild animal.” Husband pauses, checks his rifle. “If I don’t take down a moose this season, my family will starve.”
NOT SEEN
Wife uses her steam-powered iPhone to call Safeway in Fairbanks. “Hello, meat department? How much would you charge us for a steer carcass?...That’s all?”
SCENE
Husband sniffs the air. “There’s definitely moose around here. They left about five minutes ago. You don’t stalk moose for thirty years without learning something. Let’s keep walking. You’re not tired from lugging around that camera, are you?”
NOT SEEN
Wife prepares supper of fried tree roots with dirt gravy.
SCENE
Husband returns to cabin, moose-less. “Sorry, honey. It just wasn’t my day. Maybe tomorrow.” Husband heads straight to bed.
NOT SEEN
As husband snores, wife cranks up kerosene-powered cassette player, places it next to his ear, and sets the tape on continuous loop: “Buy a steer. Buy a steer. Buy a steer. Buy a steer.”
