Just Say No to Turkey Fryers

At least your guests won't linger.

Experts warn that turkey fryers are a major cause of Thanksgiving disasters, second only to careless use of nuclear weapons. This rating doesn’t include the heart attacks brought on by eating deep-fried drumsticks.
Regarding use of turkey fryers, these experts advise: 1. Don’t do it. 2. Don’t do it. 3. Don’t do it. 4. If you absolutely must do it, place the fryer in the middle of a 200-square-yard concrete pad; have the local fire department standing by; wear a full-body fireproof suit; and if the oil starts smoking, get the heck out of there. 

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