It's not easy being hip

Brunette: So much for tooth bleaching; it hurt so bad I was popping ibuprofen like candy. But her teeth are still whiter than mine.

Blonde: That manicure was totally worth $75. I’ll keep holding up my cup so everyone sees this awesome green polish.

Mr. Dreadlocks: My scalp itches like crazy. When was the last time I washed my hair? October, I think. It’s hard to rinse soap out of these tangles.

Brunette: He’s clinking mugs with me but looking at her. Grrrr.

Blonde: This $450 cut & color and $100 blowout was totally worth it. I definitely have the best hair of anybody here.

Mr. Dreadlocks: This iced chai tea latte tastes like dog piss. Can’t wait to get back to my place and crack open a Pepsi.

Brunette: I’d like to claw her eyes out.

Blonde: This $250 Lululemon yoga top was totally worth it. It takes me from yoga class to Starbucks to meditation group without missing a beat.

Mr. Dreadlocks: I wonder if I can make it through McDonald’s drive-through without the Whole Foods crowd noticing?