Frozen turkeys are usually rock-hard, so thumping them like a melon won’t indicate freshness. Instead, make sure the date on the wrapper says 2006 or later.
If you must thaw your turkey in the dishwasher, don’t add soap to the dispenser.
Microwave thawing is safe if you can shove the turkey in there without wrenching your shoulder.
Before stuffing, check inside the cavity of the turkey. You might find giblets (you were supposed to start cooking them two hours ago) or paper wadding that the poultry processor inserted to make the turkey weigh more.
If the turkey still looks pale when you check it six hours later, you forgot to turn on the oven.
Stuffing is extremely vulnerable to spoilage. As soon as the turkey is done, remove stuffing and discard it in an airtight bag marked “Biohazard Waste.”