Greeks mark the New Year by baking a sweet bread, vasilopita, with a coin inside. The piece with the hidden coin is believed to bring good luck to the dentist of the person who bites into it.
Many Danish people celebrate New Year’s Eve by throwing dishes at their friends’ doors. The U.S. has a similar tradition involving beer bottles and double-wides.
Japanese revelers eat soba (buckwheat noodles) at midnight, since long noodles symbolize long life. Expert soba-sensei chefs have been known to cobble together 1,000-meter noodles using hot wax or Krazy Glue.
In Scotland, neighbors go “first footing” door to door. Tradition says that if the first visitor to cross your threshold is tall, dark, and handsome, the year will be prosperous. If he’s fat enough to break the doorframe, the year will be drafty.
In the Philippines, jumping high at the stroke of midnight is believed to cause a growth spurt. This superstition explains why Filipinos are gimpy.
A German tradition involves dropping molten lead into cold water, then predicting the year ahead from the shape it makes. A heart or ring shape means a wedding, a shoe means a journey, and a turd shape means the year will be shitty.
Sicilians believe that eating lasagna on New Year’s Day brings good luck, while receiving a fish wrapped in newspaper means your button man is dead.
A cat could help you break these.
--If you’re a solo entrepreneur, hold a one-person office party. You’re guaranteed to win the door prize. No one will object if you sit on the copier to photocopy your butt. And you might also enjoy conducting a secret Santa gift exchange, although the “secret” part only works if you have dementia.
--Watch a DVD of “The Bishop’s Wife.” It touches all the traditional Christmas themes: workaholic spouse, marriage doldrums, and angels flirting with mortals. This classic is guaranteed to produce laughs, most of them unintentional.
--Adopt a cat so you won’t have to knock over the Christmas tree all by yourself.
--Dig that old Mr. Microphone set out of the closet. Drive around town looking for somebody who’s out for a walk. Lower your car window and announce: “Hey, beautiful, I’ll be back to pick you up later!”
--On Christmas Eve, set out shots of slivovitz and slices of beer salami for Santa Claus. If he doesn’t finish them off, enjoy them yourself.
The Airline Christmas Song
(Tune: "Mele Kalikimaka" -- "Merry Christmas" in Hawaiian)
"Every flight is cancelled" is the thing they say
When you're flying home for Christmas day
You can dream of reindeer as you try to sleep
On a chair in Concourse A
Santa Claus will find you here on Christmas night
He's bringing you a voucher for another flight
Stranding you on Christmas is the airlines' way
To say "crappy Christmas" to you
The Vatican just announced that Pope Benedict XVI has a personal Twitter account. Here’s a sneak peek at his upcoming tweets.
Holy Toledo! Only 16 days until Christmas, and I still need to buy presents for 634 cardinals.
Wanted to create world peace today, but had 2 many meetings and never got around 2 it.
Should have jumped into Twitter before all the good handles were taken. @pontifex sounds like laundry detergent.
Yesterday’s tweet mis-translated “faithful” as “get lost” in Swahili. Lost 4 million Kenyan followers in one day. Bummer.
Hey, @lindsaylohan, how come you never followed me back?
How to wear the new sturdy knit fashion leggings? On your legs. Seriously, if you wear them on your head, they look ridiculous.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC