(Delafield WI) – Delbert Cameron, age 5½ months, today became the world’s youngest tech billionaire after the initial public offering for his company raised more than $3 billion. 

Though it has become commonplace for young entrepreneurs to score big in the tech marketplace before they’re old enough to drive, Cameron’s success stands out, since he is not yet old enough to walk. 

Cameron developed his iPhone app, ChangeMe, while still in the womb. ChangeMe allows infants to signal their parents, at varying levels of urgency, when it’s time for a diaper change: “It’s just #1, no hurry,” “It’s #1 and #2, urgent” and “It’s an extremely pungent #2, red alert.” 

Delbert Cameron’s parents, Abigail and Clinton Cameron, have placed the IPO money in a college trust fund which Delbert will tap in a few years when he begins attending Harvard.  

Experts warn that turkey fryers are a major cause of Thanksgiving disasters, second only to careless use of nuclear weapons. This rating doesn’t include the heart attacks brought on by eating deep-fried drumsticks.
Regarding use of turkey fryers, these experts advise: 1. Don’t do it. 2. Don’t do it. 3. Don’t do it. 4. If you absolutely must do it, place the fryer in the middle of a 200-square-yard concrete pad; have the local fire department standing by; wear a full-body fireproof suit; and if the oil starts smoking, get the heck out of there. 

Never buy a pre-stuffed live turkey.
Frozen turkeys are usually rock-hard, so thumping them like a melon won’t indicate freshness. Instead, make sure the date on the wrapper says 2006 or later.

If you must thaw your turkey in the dishwasher, don’t add soap to the dispenser.
Microwave thawing is safe if you can shove the turkey in there without wrenching your shoulder.
Before stuffing, check inside the cavity of the turkey. You might find giblets (you were supposed to start cooking them two hours ago) or paper wadding that the poultry processor inserted to make the turkey weigh more.
If the turkey still looks pale when you check it six hours later, you forgot to turn on the oven. 
Stuffing is extremely vulnerable to spoilage. As soon as the turkey is done, remove stuffing and discard it in an airtight bag marked “Biohazard Waste.”

Q. What’s the recommended cooking time for a 14-pound stuffed turkey?
A. Oh, that just takes forever. First you must prepare the stuffing, and then you cook the whole thing for hours, basting all the while. It’s hardly worth the trouble. Why not serve something different this year, like pork chops?  
Q. Can you recommend a wine that goes well with turkey? 
A. I love some of the cabernet sauvignons from the Napa Valley, but they’re much too full-flavored for turkey, so serve them with grilled steak this Thanksgiving. 
Q. What’s the easiest way to carve a turkey? 
A. Carving is such a chore. Your guests are famished, the kids are
whining, and you’re sawing away while all the other food gets cold. Save yourself lots of trouble by serving oyster bisque. There’s absolutely no carving involved. 
Q. Which is healthier, the white meat or the dark meat?  
A. Contrary to what you may have heard, the healthiest main dish would be Polish kielbasa sausage with sauerkraut. Yum!


 

In November. . .     
. . . no matter how poorly your favorite NFL team is doing, there’s still a theoretical chance of making the playoffs.   
. . . you don’t have to slather on sunscreen whenever you go out.
. . . you can finally put away the lawn mower (unless you live in Florida, in which case you should skip the rest of this article).
. . . you no longer need to spend your lunch hour watering the outdoor plants, because they’re all dead.
November offers. . .
. . . thirty variations of gray in the daytime sky.
. . . midterm exams, and a chance to determine whether $20,000 tuition has been worth it.
. . . a good test of your new SAD full-spectrum light box. 
November. . . 
. . . makes all the other months (except February) look good.
November is . . .
. . only 30 days long,  not 31.