“Obviously, the Almighty wants to wipe Washington off the map,” said one soothsayer. “The earthquake didn’t do it, and Hurricane Irene is weakening already. So locusts would be the logical next move.”
The administration is considering cutting off Internet service to locusts, preventing them from using Twitter and mobile texting to coordinate their swarms.
Entymologist point out that ravenous locusts feed on everything in their path, including each other – a cannibalistic tendency they share with members of Congress.