“Can you believe they’re marketing ‘soy milk’? What a crock! That’s not really milk! Have you ever seen teats on a soy plant? I don’t think so.  
“And the taste – ecchhh! I’d rather drink out of a toilet than swallow that stuff! I accidentally poured some in my coffee once and almost threw up.
“Then there’s almond milk. Yeah, right. Like there’s almond trees with udders or something.
“Give me real milk or give me death!”

Among people with low expectations for a summer getaway, tent camping rates number one, according to a new survey.
Survey respondents talked about how tent camping lived up to their pitiful requirements:
“Waking up in a puddle after an overnight rainstorm was truly refreshing.”
“Softest bedrock I ever slept on.”
“Sometimes we even got to remove our mosquito-net hats.”
“Each night before bed, we bonded by pulling ticks off each other.”
“My teens are still raving about the fun they had digging their own latrine.”
“During that magical week, we spotted a chipmunk, a garter snake, and literally dozens of squirrels.”
“The evacuation brought everyone in the campground together, like family. We still exchange Christmas cards with the firefighters.”
“Nothing compares to hamburgers cooked over an open flame. We could eat them every night of the week. Come to think of it, we did.”
“We heard lovely chirping of crickets after 3 a.m., when the neighbors turned off their car stereo.”
“I’ve got a great video of those bears tipping my car into the river.”