It's spring! Time to visit your garden and see what failed this year. Here's a thumbnail guide to the most common perennial disappointments.
Ragged remnants of small green shoots: crocuses chewed by rabbits
Ragged remnants of wide green shoots: tulips chewed by deer
Brittle stumps: trees or shrubs chewed by deer
Yellow/white blossoms mashed into the mud: daffodils trampled by your dogs chasing rabbits and deer
Whitish-gray patches of lawn: snow mold
Dead brown patches of lawn: dog urine
In a startling reversal from previous policy, the U.S. Surgeon General's office today recommended that women start wearing bikini thongs as often as possible.
"While these so-called 'butt-floss' thongs are responsible for everything from cancer to dental cavities in women who wear them," said Dr. Regina Benjamin, "they certainly have a beneficial effect on men in the vicinity. So, overall, the net benefit to the population is worth the risk."
Recent studies have shown that in Florida and southern California, where butt-floss bikinis are most evident, health-care spending on Viagra has been reduced by as much as 79%.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC