Doing the laundry...using the dishwasher...making a meal...It's not rocket science! So post this magnet as a not-so-subtle hint to your husband, wife, roommate, kids or whatever. Heck, post a bunch of magnets all over the place. Maybe you'll get some help for a change.
This high-quality 2 x 2-inch magnet is just $3.65 at my Zazzle store HERE.
Meditation is a natural, easy process, which is why there are more than 50,000 self-help books on the market telling you how to do it.
And then there’s medication, such as tranquilizers and pain pills. Medication can lead to addiction, death by overdose, and other unpleasant side effects.
Which is better? This side-by-side comparison will help you choose.
Meditation: Requires years of practice to master the technique
Medication: Takes about 5 seconds to swallow
Meditation: Makes you feel relaxed
Medication: Convinces you you’re God
Meditation: Requires discipline to focus your thoughts
Medication: Requires concentration to walk straight
Meditation: Works best in a quiet place with no interruptions
Medication: Works anywhere, unless your probation officer is around
Meditation: Makes you go ooommmmm
Medication: Makes you go mmmmmmmm
Excerpted from Desperately Seeking Sanity: A Spoofbook on Self-Help, just 99 cents at Amazon.com. Click HERE to see it.
Prepare for the morning routine before you go to bed. Lay out your clothing and firearms; make the oatmeal; start the car.
Get up 20 minutes earlier on workdays, and make your spouse get up 20 minutes early, too. Misery loves company.
Plan ahead. Keep your pantry well-stocked with Marshmallow Fluff and root beer. Don’t wait until you’re down to your last postage stamp; buy more, just before the rates go up again. Keep some cyanide pills in your wallet.
Don’t put up with things that don’t work right. If your windshield wipers, can opener, or kids are a constant source of irritation, fix or replace them.
Allow an extra 15 minutes to get to appointments. If you’re traveling by plane, allow three extra days.
For more idiotic stress-reducing tips and other B.S., check out Deperately Seeking Sanity: A Spoofbook on Self-Help, just 99 cents at Amazon.com. Click HERE to see it.
--Install giant folding screen to stop polar vortex at the Canadian border.
--Create 1,598 handmade-paper valentines. Send one to parole officer.
--Climb Everest. Leave dried flower arrangement at summit.
--Spread ice-melting chemicals on Washington-to-New York corridor.
--Make quinoa / grapefruit / phyllo dough appetizers for ticketholders at Super Bowl XLVIII in New Jersey.
--Transplant mature giant sequoias from Yosemite to my farm yard.
--Dig root cellar. Fill with roots.
--Forge blade to use in preparing steel-cut oats for breakfast.
--Refurbish nicks and scratches on all furniture at Versailles.
--Serve as advisor to God re: plans for the Second Coming.
1. Never go to bed angry, especially with someone other than your spouse.
2. Be very clear about who does what. For instance, a husband might tell his wife: “You take care of the kids, shop for groceries, cook, clean, and pay the bills. I’ll take out the garbage once a week.” Conversely, the wife could say to her husband: “You earn the money, and I’ll spend it.”
3. A mutual enemy can draw you closer together. Find a politician, celebrity or neighbor you both hate. Carp about them constantly.
4. Invest in two pairs of wireless headphones. She wears hers when he’s watching televised sports she can’t stand. He wears his the rest of the time.
5. Trying novel experiences as a couple increases the production of positive brain neurochemicals. So go ahead – travel to Pamplona for the running of the bulls, or go bungee jumping off a bridge. If you survive, your marriage will thrive.
6. Show respect for your partner by keeping up your appearance, even when you’re just hanging around the house. Wear pants. Cover your belly. Make sure your shirt has been washed at least once in the last month.
7. Keep the romance alive: hang a pair of handcuffs from the bedpost.
8. Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so be specific about your wants and needs. “Honey, for my birthday I’d like a Craftsman 3-Gallon Horizontal Air Compressor with the hose and accessory kit.” Or maybe: “I have a splitting headache right now. Would you please take the kids to the mall and leave them there forever?”
9. Modern life puts exhausting demands on everyone, so be sure to schedule some downtime during which you can both pass out in front of the TV.
10. Don’t sweat the small stuff. So what if she totaled the car? So what if he lost the kids’ college fund gambling at the casino? You still love each other, right? Right?!
For more insanely useful lifestyle tips, check out Leah Carson's new 99-cent ebook Desperately Seeking Sanity: A Spoofbook on Self-Help, available HERE.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
Copyright (c) 2022 by Leah Carson, d/b/a Excellent Words, LLC