1. Remove any animal carcasses that have accumulated during the winter.
2. Use a leaf blower to gather loose items from the entire house into a big pile in the living room. Set fire to it.
3. As the pile burns, throw in all those National Geographic mags you never got around to reading.
4. Use a toothbrush to clean crevices in the sink, shower and toilet.
5. Go back to the toothbrush holder where you absentmindedly replaced this toothbrush, figure out which one it is, and discard it.
6. Wipe and disinfect pets.
7. Lift big pieces of furniture to strain your back.
8. Turn the oven dial to the super-hot “clean” setting. When your kitchen begins to look and smell like a Juarez tire fire, call the fire department.
9. Dump the contents of your utensil drawer onto the counter. Set aside tools you’ve never used and/or don’t recognize. Store them in your bedroom nightstand.
I hope you weren't expecting anything profound.
If I ever need to plead insanity, this blog will provide valuable evidence.
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