Need a break from vacuuming dog hair and raking the litter box? Check out For Pets’ Sake, which begins:  

“Are your children old enough to gently handle a delicate hamster without crushing or dropping him? If not, can you afford to buy a new hamster every couple of days?”

This pet-lovers’ guilty pleasure provides a hilarious lowdown on the dogs, cats, ferrets, parakeets, horses, rabbits, guinea pigs, fish, snakes, and other animals that own us. You’ll crow over “BuckbuckbuGAWK.com” and thank your lucky stars you don’t own “Possibly the Worst Pet Ever.”

For Pets’ Sake brings home 27 spooflets and drops them at your feet for just 99 cents. Best of all, you’ll never have to feed it Kindle Chow. Get it HERE.

Life has a neat way of balancing things out. Once you get old enough to need multiple meds, the med dispenser helps you remember what day it is.
Not that I would know anything about that personally.

(Cudahy, WI) – Climate scientists today announced a startling discovery: our solar system’s Sun is responsible for most of Earth’s global warming. 

Several major scientific institutions issued a joint statement: “Our measurements indicate that the temperature on the surface is 5505°C, which is just tremendously hot, if you think about it.

“And get this! Astronomers used to regard the Sun as a small and relatively insignificant star, but by golly if it doesn’t turn out to be brighter than about 85% of the stars in the Milky Way galaxy. No wonder it’s so darned hot.”

When asked how they planned to combat this alarming trend, scientists shrugged and answered, “Whatcha gonna do, really? Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”

After a certain age, amusement rides become just too much. Here are some clues that you’ve passed that tipping (woozy, puking) point.

• You bend over to tie your shoe and almost pass out when you stand up again.
• Lately, the closest you’ve come to being suspended upside down was when you got stuck in your La-Z-Boy recliner.
• You get motion sickness watching a tennis match on TV.
• You experience the feeling of your brain going one way and your body going another every Monday morning, without paying $65 for an admission pass.
• Your idea of soaring heights: using a stepladder to change a light bulb.
• The thrill over “loss of control” dimmed when you started wearing Depends.

We spotted these dueling dog signs at Kettle Moraine High School this weekend. Not sure which is dumber: the conflicting messages or the pseudo-ghetto language.

Father’s Day is coming soon. This handy guide will help all you infants out there interpret what that Really Big Guy is saying.  

“Baby-baby snookum ookums! Cutey pootey!” Dad’s vocabulary is limited. In time, you can help him work on this.

“Let’s go see what’s in the fridge, huh?” Dad needs a beer.

“Know what? You look just like your daddy!” Better hope they’re setting aside money for plastic surgery.  

“Hey, honey? Why don’t you watch the kid for a while?” You just wet your pants.

Wouldn’t it be great if that most dreadful of dog chores, cleaning poop off the lawn, only had to be done once a year?

That’s the idea behind the new Nagasaki BM-365 Excavator. Built to handle the toughest lawn cleanup jobs, the BM-365 has enough power and breakout force to suit multi-dog families and lengthy accumulation timelines.

The BM-365 features precise center swing boom steering so you won’t obliterate the family room during that once-yearly cleanup. 

The hermetically sealed cab comes equipped with sonar to help locate buried items like swing sets, trees, and tool sheds as you dig. An  optional luxury package includes power moon roof, side impact air bags, handy overhead map lights, and a high-mount rear wing spoiler. 

Coupled with the Nagasaki BM-365 Dump Truck (not included), the Excavator makes lawn cleanup a breeze. Visit your Nagasaki dealer today for a test dig.

Wiener the hot dog: lies on a bun
Weiner the congressman: lies to the media

Wiener the hot dog: garnished with ketchup, mustard, and relish
Weiner the congressman: relished by comedians and bloggers

Wiener the hot dog: iconic and instantly recognizable
Weiner the congressman: requires several days to determine “yeah, that’s mine”

Wiener the hot dog: filled with mystery ingredients
Weiner the congressman: mostly B.S.

Wiener the hot dog: stays fresh for weeks in refrigerator
Weiner the congressman: nearing career-expiration date

There’s a so-called equine hospital near our home. Every time we drive past it I quip, “It’s the horspital,” and then I whinny. So far, my husband has just rolled his eyes, but someday he’ll open the door and shove me out of the moving car. No jury would convict him.